Angie's back!
Ahoy, mateys! (maties?)
I had to take some much-needed and well-deserved time off from the internet dating scene to regroup; you know, mend my nets, replace my tackle, replenish my supply of lures and bait. But now I'm back and ready to head once again into that deep blue sea where, I am assured, there are Plenty of Fish!
I revamped my online profile. I made it simpler and made sure I included a variety of photos. I was very explicit about what I was looking for - a nice, honest guy for a committed relationship. DO NOT contact me if you are seeking Intimate Encounters or Casual Relationships, I stated.
In no time at all I'd gotten several bites. I carefully culled the obvious scammers. Misuse or lack of use of punctuation is a dead giveaway, as is extremely poor sentence structure. If a guy won't tell you anything specific but insists that he " is very romantic, loves giving massages, likes long walks on the beach, and is an entrepreneur" that's pretty much a dead giveaway that he's a bottom dweller. He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear and that's the standard "formula" to make all us little fisherwomen go, "ooooOOOOoooo!" Oh, and he'll undoubtedly be a widower whose beloved passed in an untimely and/or tragic manner (insert pity factor here) and he will have one grown or nearly-grown child who "studies abroad." (No pesky kid to deal with, but obviously a doting father who loves his child so much he sent him off to one of those better schools at an undisclosed location overseas.)
After a few days and the standard chit-chat - "Hi.You're very pretty" or "I like your profile" or (my personal favorite) "You look so hot!" I'd started talking with a couple of interesting men. One was quite a bit younger but he assured me that our age difference didn't matter. He was looking for a serious relationship, too. I liked him enough to give him my phone number and after texting for a couple of days he called me. We talked easily and naturally so we arranged to meet for coffee. Coffee is good because it doesn't carry the committment of a full meal, yet most coffee shops are quiet enough that you can hear each other speak. If you go for drinks the music is usually so loud that you end up shouting at each other, which is not conducive to making a good first impression.
We had a few dates and then I invited him over for dinner. So far, so good, right? Things started heating up and I didn't mind at all. It all worked out quite well, actually, and we continued to get along great.
So......
A few days later he called and asked if he could come over. I told him "Sure!" By this time the dog didn't even bark when he came to the door. I was almost getting comfortable.
And therein was my folly.
He didn't show up during the designated time. He didn't show up two hours later. He hadn't shown up by 11pm. I sent him a text. "What happened to you?" I got no response.
Three days later, at 3:45 am I got this: (The following graphic conversation is just too good not to share verbatim so, sensitive readers, you have been forewarned...) Oh, and the comments in parentheses are obviously my thoughts as the incredible tale unwinds.
Him: Are you working?
Me: No
Him: I'm sorry. Last coupla days been crazy kinda personal issues but I will be in Angieville then leaving there to go to work. Any chance I can stop by and maybe **** some frustration out inside you or you can **** some out of me?
(Aww, he missed me!!)
Me: I won't just be your ****buddy. It was very hurtful to me that I invited you over, you said you'd be there, then....nothing. For days. I didn't know if I'd done something, if you had been hurt or were sick, or what possibly could have happened. By not contacting me, it appears to me that I just didn't matter. I deserve better.
Him: Don't you wanna feel this again, sexy?
(insert photo of penis here.) (yes, really.)
Him: I don't want it to be just ****buddies either and I'm sorry. Trust me I wanted to be there with you just something came up and I'm sorry trust me I was thinking about it and you (in that order, I'm sure) all day long and I really want you bad.
Me: I'm sorry too. You could have at least sent me a one line text.
Him: You didn't do anything and I'm sorry I worried you. I didn't meant to do that at all. I truly am sorry beautiful. You're sweet and very kind and you didn't do one thing.
Him: Still there?
Me: I'm here.
Him: I really didn't mean to make you feel like that. Honestly I really wanted to see you very badly especially just walking in and having you in bed already waiting on me.
Me: I opened my home to you. I gave my body to you without reservation. I was vulnerable to you. I did not deserve to be totally ignored. I wonder if you even realize what this feels like? Yes, I was waiting on you. I trusted you enough to leave my door unlocked for you. You repaid my trust by showing me utter disregard.
Him: Yes I do know what it feels like. That's why I feel really bad about it.
Me: Well, so do I.
Him: And I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to do that. I really wanted to come in and cover your body with kisses...
Me: I accept your apology. I'm just not sure there's any place to go from here.
Him: Yes there is. Let me come over and make it up to you. (Oh, look! He's gonna "prove his love" to me!) I want you so bad. I want to feel myself deep inside you and make you scream with pleasure. I couldn't stop thinking about you all day that day. I didn't plan on anything coming up to stop me from coming over.
Me: Mr. Fish, it's not just that something came up. It's that you didn't even bother to let me know something came up. It's that you didn't even bother to let me know for DAYS. You didn't text me or call me or say a single word. Maybe you need to take care of your personal issues that obviously have the priority. When you're ready to treat a good woman the way she deserves to be treated then maybe you should try contacting me again.
Him: (He must really want it BAD!) I didn't have time to contact you or pretty much anyone the whole weekend. I was down in the hospital with my mom so you weren't the only one I didn't talk to. It was just a very emotional weekend for everyone and it's not a priority for me but I can't help feeling very horny for you after how great of a time we had. You're an amazing lover and when we were intimate I wasn't thinking about anything but how great it felt just beign with you, no stress, no worries, nothing...
Me: Yes, I am an amazing lover. I'm also a damn good person and I deserve to be treated better than you treated me. When my mother died I was still able to contact those people that were important to me. It would have taken you five seconds to text me "mom's in the hospital." (Of course, I do not think for one minute his mother was in the hospital.) You said you were thinking of me. I'll bet you had a phone in your hands at least once during the past couple of days.
Him: Yeah, talking to family members and work but most of the time in the hospital. I am sorry (Yeah, sorry he's not gonna get LAID!) I was thinking about you that whole day but the weekend it was all about my mom I didn't know what to think or do I was just f***ing scared and helpless.
Me: I'm sorry that you had a painful weekend and I hope everything is looking up where your mom is concerned. (Nope, still don't believe it.)
Me: Just please try to understand my hesitancy about opening myself up to you again.
Him: (OMG!!!!!) I do understand but it was something that just happened. I didn't expect anything like that to happen. I was all eyes open about seeing you again, enjoying being around you again, and enjoying everything we did with the perfect timing and all. It was just right.
Me: I don't think just coming over and ****ing me is going to fix everything. Maybe you need to think about whether I'm worth the effort. I'm sure there are plenty of women that would be willing to **** a nice, handsome, young guy like you. That might be best for you.
Him: I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm coming into Angieville now and I'll be right next to your street. I really wanna see you. (REALLY? "SEE" me??)
Him: Beautiful, please
Him: I don't just want any woman. I want you, beautiful. I know it's not going to fix anything right then and there but I really wanna show you how much I do want you.
Him: Are you still awake?
Him: Angie??
Him: Are you still up?
*************************************
..............................sigh............................
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Monday, April 4, 2011
Catfish
In the midst of my various little online flirtations, one name kept popping up in my Inbox. I didn't give it a lot of consideration because his screen name had the word "Sensual" in it and I didn't want to start out with sensuality being the focal point of our interaction. (What? Too Literal? Moi??) But he was persistent so I finally figured, "Why not talk to him? What could it hurt?" I could block him if he got too agressive.
It did concern me that he didn't post a profile picture, but I understand how, especially as we get older, we can become very insecure about our appearance. So, after about five friendly, intelligent messages I finally responded. Yeah, I admit, I responded in part because he put a little bit of a guilt trip on me - "so I guess you weren't interested? :'-(" I mean, how sad is that? I didn't want to hurt his feelings!
I emailed something innocuous but friendly and before long we were emailing and texting regularly. He emailed me a photo of himself and truthfully I didn't find him at all attractive. However, beauty is only skin deep, right? Haven't I always said that physical appearance really isn't all that important to me? Here was my chance to prove that to myself.
We talked on the phone and he was witty and charming. He did tend to look for any opportunity to "hint" at how he liked "pleasing a lady" and casually inserted into more than one email that he was "very talented orally" and I don't think he was talking about his elocution. That sort of grossed me out. I tried to dismiss it, figuring he'd just been without a woman for way too long.
Eventually I thought I was ready to meet him face to face. I told him I had just about an hour and a half, and yes, I purposely pre-arranged to have something else I had to do after that time. Planning my escape? Maybe...
I waited at Starbucks at the agreed-upon time and about ten minutes later he arrived.
He arrived. :-/
He was even more unappealing than his picture and he reminded me of somebody's Grandpa. Yes, I know, I am a Grandma, but I'm a vivacious Grandma! :-)
He was dressed very nicely and drove a nice car. He had a good job and had lived an interesting life. He was an excellent conversationalist. And I could not have been less interested.
I couldn't wait for that hour and a half to be over. I kept thinking was how "orally talented" he said he was and I nearly gagged on my Caramel Macchiato. I told him I needed to get going and made a beeline for the door. He insisted on walking me to my car. He had parked right beside me so we were sort of wedged there between our open car doors. I decided I could at least give him a hug since he drove an hour to see me, but I may have left some rubber in the parking lot as I careened away.
He texted me later that day and made reference to the fact that I "ran away" pretty fast. At first I denied it, but he was right. When he emailed that night and said he was hoping for our first kiss I knew I had to tell him that I was definitely not planning on a second date. I'm not sure how I worded it but he got the idea.
Lots of restaurants offer catfish as a featured item on their menus. Lots of people love catfish. I've tried to make myself like catfish. I've eaten it fried, baked, broiled and even grilled. But I don't like catfish and you can't do anything to make it appealing to me.
Mr. Sensuality was a catfish. I had to throw him back.
Maybe I need to use different bait...
It did concern me that he didn't post a profile picture, but I understand how, especially as we get older, we can become very insecure about our appearance. So, after about five friendly, intelligent messages I finally responded. Yeah, I admit, I responded in part because he put a little bit of a guilt trip on me - "so I guess you weren't interested? :'-(" I mean, how sad is that? I didn't want to hurt his feelings!
I emailed something innocuous but friendly and before long we were emailing and texting regularly. He emailed me a photo of himself and truthfully I didn't find him at all attractive. However, beauty is only skin deep, right? Haven't I always said that physical appearance really isn't all that important to me? Here was my chance to prove that to myself.
We talked on the phone and he was witty and charming. He did tend to look for any opportunity to "hint" at how he liked "pleasing a lady" and casually inserted into more than one email that he was "very talented orally" and I don't think he was talking about his elocution. That sort of grossed me out. I tried to dismiss it, figuring he'd just been without a woman for way too long.
Eventually I thought I was ready to meet him face to face. I told him I had just about an hour and a half, and yes, I purposely pre-arranged to have something else I had to do after that time. Planning my escape? Maybe...
I waited at Starbucks at the agreed-upon time and about ten minutes later he arrived.
He arrived. :-/
He was even more unappealing than his picture and he reminded me of somebody's Grandpa. Yes, I know, I am a Grandma, but I'm a vivacious Grandma! :-)
He was dressed very nicely and drove a nice car. He had a good job and had lived an interesting life. He was an excellent conversationalist. And I could not have been less interested.
I couldn't wait for that hour and a half to be over. I kept thinking was how "orally talented" he said he was and I nearly gagged on my Caramel Macchiato. I told him I needed to get going and made a beeline for the door. He insisted on walking me to my car. He had parked right beside me so we were sort of wedged there between our open car doors. I decided I could at least give him a hug since he drove an hour to see me, but I may have left some rubber in the parking lot as I careened away.
He texted me later that day and made reference to the fact that I "ran away" pretty fast. At first I denied it, but he was right. When he emailed that night and said he was hoping for our first kiss I knew I had to tell him that I was definitely not planning on a second date. I'm not sure how I worded it but he got the idea.
Lots of restaurants offer catfish as a featured item on their menus. Lots of people love catfish. I've tried to make myself like catfish. I've eaten it fried, baked, broiled and even grilled. But I don't like catfish and you can't do anything to make it appealing to me.
Mr. Sensuality was a catfish. I had to throw him back.
Maybe I need to use different bait...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Minnows
When I was a little girl and my dad took me fishing, the first thing we had to do was to "bait the minnie trap" and wait for the schools of tiny little fishies to fill up the metal basket. Sometimes, if the water was clear and the minnows were plentiful I'd sit on a rock nearby and watch them swim into the trap and nibble at the bait. I thought it was interesting to observe them eating. They'd sort of grab a miniscule bite and then scurry off to go bump into a dozen of their brothers and then come back and grab another bite. They never seemed to get full, and they never seemed to particularly want to go anywhere else. They just bumped aimlessly about from here to there inside the basket, grabbing a bite whenever it occurred to them to do so.
I've met quite a few men like that as I've scanned the shallows and cast my bait into the water. The approach is usually a variation of, "Hi! I like your profile" followed by a smattering of emails and perhaps a phone call or two. Often, the man has no idea where he wants to go. He just wants to take a bite and flit away. He may want to talk until he gets a response, then he loses interest. I think it might be sort of a dating ADD or something.
Jeremie was one such a nibbler. He said hello, we chatted back and forth for a few days, then .... nothing. As far as I know, there was no sudden revelation that repulsed him. He just stopped writing. Robert was pretty much the same way. Then there was Doug. He lived nearby and I thought after a few conversations he might want to go for coffee with me. But we talked on the phone and when I didn't readily respond to his casual comment that he found phone sex "pretty hot" I never heard from him again. Another little bite and then off he went. There have been others too numerous to mention, and since they've all got basically the same M.O. it would be way too redundant to relate all the conversations here.
I wonder, have I missed something in the Internet Dating Etiquette Book? Is it okay to say hello, strike up a conversation with someone, and then after a couple of days just disappear? I was always taught that you say goodbye when you end a conversation, or at the very least offer an explanation as to why you feel you'd like to go down a different path.
I like closure. Whether I agree or disagree with the person I feel that it's just plain decent to say something to wrap things up! What would it hurt to say, "I've enjoyed talking to you but I don't feel we have enough in common to continue. I wish you the best?" Or something. Or ANYTHING!
I have to remember, though, that many fish have very small brains. They can't focus very long and are unable to function on a level much higher than those little minnows I watched so long ago. I guess I need to lower my expectations.
One other thing Dad taught me, however. Fishing takes patience and it takes diligence. And if you've got the essential tenacity you'll eventually end up with a primo catch! I still believe that the best one is out there somewhere and I plan on keeping my line wet and my net handy!
Until next time...
Love,
Angie
I've met quite a few men like that as I've scanned the shallows and cast my bait into the water. The approach is usually a variation of, "Hi! I like your profile" followed by a smattering of emails and perhaps a phone call or two. Often, the man has no idea where he wants to go. He just wants to take a bite and flit away. He may want to talk until he gets a response, then he loses interest. I think it might be sort of a dating ADD or something.
Jeremie was one such a nibbler. He said hello, we chatted back and forth for a few days, then .... nothing. As far as I know, there was no sudden revelation that repulsed him. He just stopped writing. Robert was pretty much the same way. Then there was Doug. He lived nearby and I thought after a few conversations he might want to go for coffee with me. But we talked on the phone and when I didn't readily respond to his casual comment that he found phone sex "pretty hot" I never heard from him again. Another little bite and then off he went. There have been others too numerous to mention, and since they've all got basically the same M.O. it would be way too redundant to relate all the conversations here.
I wonder, have I missed something in the Internet Dating Etiquette Book? Is it okay to say hello, strike up a conversation with someone, and then after a couple of days just disappear? I was always taught that you say goodbye when you end a conversation, or at the very least offer an explanation as to why you feel you'd like to go down a different path.
I like closure. Whether I agree or disagree with the person I feel that it's just plain decent to say something to wrap things up! What would it hurt to say, "I've enjoyed talking to you but I don't feel we have enough in common to continue. I wish you the best?" Or something. Or ANYTHING!
I have to remember, though, that many fish have very small brains. They can't focus very long and are unable to function on a level much higher than those little minnows I watched so long ago. I guess I need to lower my expectations.
One other thing Dad taught me, however. Fishing takes patience and it takes diligence. And if you've got the essential tenacity you'll eventually end up with a primo catch! I still believe that the best one is out there somewhere and I plan on keeping my line wet and my net handy!
Until next time...
Love,
Angie
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Blowfish!
I made it a practice not to make first contact. I'd struggled with my self-image my entire life and just when I'd finally gotten to the place where I thought I was okay (yeah, better late than never!) the last thing I needed was some man telling me in so many words, "thanks, but no thanks."
I was quite flattered when one morning I received a very sweet email from an extremely good-looking gentleman. I mean, this man was movie-star cute! He had a wonderful smile and his blue eyes sparkled. Yes, sparkled! His profile picture showed him to be well-built with chiseled features and a full head of gorgeous white hair, which seemed incongruous with his overall youthful appearance but nonetheless assured me that he was, in fact, within my age range. I wasted no time in replying. :)
He wrote back almost immediately and in the days that followed we corresponded several times a day. I learned that he was a widower, owned his own import business, lived in a huge house in the country (big income, big house, he confided - yes, that's verbatim,) and had a nineteen-year-old son that lived abroad. He lived in Canada and travelled extensively. Hmmm.....Canada. I like Canada....
I finally worked up the nerve to ask him what I had been wondering since we started corresponding. Why, praytell, had he selected me? He was lavishing me with attention, flattering and complimenting me at every turn, and we were making plans to talk on the phone during the holidays. He sent me sweet little music videos and told me all those things a woman wants to hear. But, the nagging question.....me?? I mean, he could probably have any woman that he wanted. He was attractive, wealthy, and intelligent. He obviously was a catch! He seemed to have it all. So why was he online, looking for someone with whom he could "spend the rest of my (his) life?"
A couple of days passed with no email and I just figured it was a busy time of the year for him, what with all the importing and whatnot. But I thought it was a wee bit coincidental that he chose that particular point in our correspondence to slack off. Actually, I was getting a little suspicious so I emailed him a fairly terse note that said, in essence, that I guessed he'd become distracted and obviously wasn't interested in developing our relationship further. I thanked him for his kind attention and wished him well. Other fish in the sea and all that jazz....
Oh my oh my, that sucker grabbed the hook and ran with it! Within a few short hours I received a pleading, almost pathetic response. "Please," he begged me, "give me another chance! I am so terribly sorry! Let me buy you something. I'll send you a present- anything you want! Money is no object..."
Money is no object? Why, that's enough to turn the head of any seasoned fisherwoman! But, really, now. Was that what I wanted? Someone who wanted to buy my affections?
Well, maybe.... ;)
But seriously, I told him no no no, that wasn't necessary. I magnanimously accepted his effluent apology and suggested that we just start over again. Which we did.
The correspondence picked up again. We were writing back and forth a couple of times a day and chatted now and then via instant messaging. Then, one evening, I got an ominous note. He had something to tell me and he wasn't sure that after I heard it that I'd want to talk with him any more.
Why, whatever could it be? By this time I'd convinced myself that we could talk through any potential problems and I assured him that he could tell me anything.
The next morning, this was waiting in my Inbox:
My dear Angie, I have something terribly difficult that I must tell you. I think you are an amazing woman and I have felt myself becoming more and more attracted to you. But I fear that you will not want to speak with me again if I tell you the truth. You see, I am black. Everything else I told you is true but I was afraid that you would reject me if you knew of my true race. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me and if you can, I promise never to lie to you again. Love, the Blowfish.
Really? REALLY?? I had never, not once, indicated in any way, shape or form that I was limiting my search to one particular race or culture. And, check me if I'm incorrect in this, but isn't this the 21st century?? What must he have thought of me to assume that I wouldn't talk to him because his skin was a different color than mine? I don't know whether I was madder at him because he lied to me or because he felt in necessary to lie!
Once my initial rage had quieted I responded to his heartfelt confession. After all, I thought, the poor guy. He must really have a lousy self-image, something to which I could relate. After properly chastising him for making assumptions about me and for feeling the need to lie about his heritage, I told him (yet again) that I was willing to start over, this time with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I never got another email from him.
Love,
Angie
I was quite flattered when one morning I received a very sweet email from an extremely good-looking gentleman. I mean, this man was movie-star cute! He had a wonderful smile and his blue eyes sparkled. Yes, sparkled! His profile picture showed him to be well-built with chiseled features and a full head of gorgeous white hair, which seemed incongruous with his overall youthful appearance but nonetheless assured me that he was, in fact, within my age range. I wasted no time in replying. :)
He wrote back almost immediately and in the days that followed we corresponded several times a day. I learned that he was a widower, owned his own import business, lived in a huge house in the country (big income, big house, he confided - yes, that's verbatim,) and had a nineteen-year-old son that lived abroad. He lived in Canada and travelled extensively. Hmmm.....Canada. I like Canada....
I finally worked up the nerve to ask him what I had been wondering since we started corresponding. Why, praytell, had he selected me? He was lavishing me with attention, flattering and complimenting me at every turn, and we were making plans to talk on the phone during the holidays. He sent me sweet little music videos and told me all those things a woman wants to hear. But, the nagging question.....me?? I mean, he could probably have any woman that he wanted. He was attractive, wealthy, and intelligent. He obviously was a catch! He seemed to have it all. So why was he online, looking for someone with whom he could "spend the rest of my (his) life?"
A couple of days passed with no email and I just figured it was a busy time of the year for him, what with all the importing and whatnot. But I thought it was a wee bit coincidental that he chose that particular point in our correspondence to slack off. Actually, I was getting a little suspicious so I emailed him a fairly terse note that said, in essence, that I guessed he'd become distracted and obviously wasn't interested in developing our relationship further. I thanked him for his kind attention and wished him well. Other fish in the sea and all that jazz....
Oh my oh my, that sucker grabbed the hook and ran with it! Within a few short hours I received a pleading, almost pathetic response. "Please," he begged me, "give me another chance! I am so terribly sorry! Let me buy you something. I'll send you a present- anything you want! Money is no object..."
Money is no object? Why, that's enough to turn the head of any seasoned fisherwoman! But, really, now. Was that what I wanted? Someone who wanted to buy my affections?
Well, maybe.... ;)
But seriously, I told him no no no, that wasn't necessary. I magnanimously accepted his effluent apology and suggested that we just start over again. Which we did.
The correspondence picked up again. We were writing back and forth a couple of times a day and chatted now and then via instant messaging. Then, one evening, I got an ominous note. He had something to tell me and he wasn't sure that after I heard it that I'd want to talk with him any more.
Why, whatever could it be? By this time I'd convinced myself that we could talk through any potential problems and I assured him that he could tell me anything.
The next morning, this was waiting in my Inbox:
My dear Angie, I have something terribly difficult that I must tell you. I think you are an amazing woman and I have felt myself becoming more and more attracted to you. But I fear that you will not want to speak with me again if I tell you the truth. You see, I am black. Everything else I told you is true but I was afraid that you would reject me if you knew of my true race. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me and if you can, I promise never to lie to you again. Love, the Blowfish.
Really? REALLY?? I had never, not once, indicated in any way, shape or form that I was limiting my search to one particular race or culture. And, check me if I'm incorrect in this, but isn't this the 21st century?? What must he have thought of me to assume that I wouldn't talk to him because his skin was a different color than mine? I don't know whether I was madder at him because he lied to me or because he felt in necessary to lie!
Once my initial rage had quieted I responded to his heartfelt confession. After all, I thought, the poor guy. He must really have a lousy self-image, something to which I could relate. After properly chastising him for making assumptions about me and for feeling the need to lie about his heritage, I told him (yet again) that I was willing to start over, this time with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I never got another email from him.
Love,
Angie
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Nibble
Once I became more familiar with the format of the dating site, I was more receptive to those little "dings" I now recognized as invitations to live chat. On one of my days off, while I was trying to avoid housework, I got a greeting. Again some of these things defy description. It's better to just let you read the exchange....
HIM - Hello, I'm Mark. I have just moved to (my town)
ME - Hi, Mark!
HIM - You're veryyy good looking!
ME - Why thank you!
ME - It says you're from Nampa?
HIM - my mother died two months ago. She left me this house all free and clear.
ME - sorry to hear about your mom. What part of (my town)?
HIM - Just to the north
ME - that's where I live. maybe we're neighbors
HIM - I have a large head black lab male,, I stud him out,, I get $500 each time he mounts with a female.
ME - oohhhhkaaayy....
HIM - might have to get him fixed
HIM - not sure
HIM - I'm just looking for a bbw (big beautiful woman) to pamper and spoil,, long term
******
I couldn't do anything but stare at the screen after typing "oohhhhkaaayy...."
After about two minutes I closed the chat window.
When I finally recovered from the trauma of this little interchange I did a little search and found that there actually are such things as "block head labs" but at the time all I could think was that a) he was making some sort of anatomical reference to himself or b)....oh, you can figure that one out yourself!
Swim on by, mr. big head...errr...I mean...umm... little fishy.
Swim on by.
Love,
Angie
HIM - Hello, I'm Mark. I have just moved to (my town)
ME - Hi, Mark!
HIM - You're veryyy good looking!
ME - Why thank you!
ME - It says you're from Nampa?
HIM - my mother died two months ago. She left me this house all free and clear.
ME - sorry to hear about your mom. What part of (my town)?
HIM - Just to the north
ME - that's where I live. maybe we're neighbors
HIM - I have a large head black lab male,, I stud him out,, I get $500 each time he mounts with a female.
ME - oohhhhkaaayy....
HIM - might have to get him fixed
HIM - not sure
HIM - I'm just looking for a bbw (big beautiful woman) to pamper and spoil,, long term
******
I couldn't do anything but stare at the screen after typing "oohhhhkaaayy...."
After about two minutes I closed the chat window.
When I finally recovered from the trauma of this little interchange I did a little search and found that there actually are such things as "block head labs" but at the time all I could think was that a) he was making some sort of anatomical reference to himself or b)....oh, you can figure that one out yourself!
Swim on by, mr. big head...errr...I mean...umm... little fishy.
Swim on by.
Love,
Angie
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Your Check is in the Mail
Only a few days after I set up my dating profile, I got an interesting message from Tony. He told me he loved my profile and was very interested in getting to know me better. I noticed his spelling, grammar, and punctuation all left something to be desired but I attributed that to the fact that he had lived the first twenty five years of his life in Spain. He told me he had lost his father to cancer when he was a boy and that his mother had died of shock immediately afterward. He had been married but his wife died in childbirth. He was parenting a ten year old son by himself.
Tony told me that he was a design engineer from Tacoma, WA, but he and his son were currently in Malaysia where he was doing interior design for a client there. We corresponded back and forth daily and he seemed very excited to get to know all about me. After a week he announced that he thought he was in love with me. Hmmm. We hadn't even talked on the phone yet.
Still, I was willing to give him benefit of the doubt. After all, poor guy, he was typing in a second language, was overseas, was all alone with his only motherless son. What a saint! AND he idolized me! He kept telling me how beautiful I looked and how he was praying for a "God-fearing woman." I did think that was a little odd, seeing as how his profile listed him as an Atheist.
One morning after sending off a bubbly good morning email to this sweet, innocent man who adored me, I received an almost immediate response. I cannot do it justice so I'm going to copy the message here, complete with typos.
Hello, Angie
first I really want you to know that im really sorry for not responding on time just have a terrible day here and im thinking of you too and i don't think i will seek for any other woman well Angie i want you to know that i like you so much and im ready to spend the rest of my life with you. Richard is here with i find a private teacher for him while i work at the site the private teacher will keep him busy i work from 9am to 5pm Malaysia time. see i want you to know that ive been thinking of you so much and i cant wait to meet you but Angie im not really happy at all i lost my wallet this morning containing on the money i met to use to get some materials today for the site right now i cant work further bcos i need the materials my wallet contain the funds for it and my credit card is there too. i tried to see if i can use my bank of America acct or my business acct they i always use when i need money i found out that i cant even access that here in Malasia they have a low banking system and i have been paid for the contract deposit the money already in my bank of America acct but i cant access anything cant even find card to get the little fund i need to get those materials Angie im really sorry to tell you this and i believe if you do care you can do something about itwell i will send you another email shortly and i will show you my other business account which have online banking and i will show you my home page that i have money but i can't access here im sorry asking you this but i will be gald if you can jst lend this little funds i need for this materials whien i get home net week i will refund back your money to you all you need to do it to tell me how you want back your money maybe cashier check or send it via western union pls dont be harsh but if you are i will understand due to the fact that we haven't know each other long but i will be very much happy that this can happen to anybody and pls remember this is not my country let me know what you can do for me till im home. Tony
He did, indeed, send me a very legitimate-looking bank statement from the Banco Gulf Online Banking system, with a disclaimer at the bottom of the page saying "we have taken every steps to ensure security." Every steps. Wow.
So, still trying very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt I Googled the name of the bank. Try it. First thing that comes up has the word "scams" in it.
I wrote back to "Tony" with the subject line reading "your check is in the mail." I then proceeded to let him know exactly what I thought of him. I called him a predator and told him that I had let the webmaster know what he was doing. What a creep!
I felt like such a sucker! I should have seen it coming but I was new and willing to overlook what should have been warning signs. I really thought he was just innocent and a bit naieve. It didn't dawn on me prior to this last email that he might have been a scam artist. I consider myself fairly intelligent but I was drawn in by his sweetness and charm, and hooked by his status as a widower with a young child to raise on his own.
Later that day I got this short, terse email:
Why you be so mean i told you not so harsh and not be mean so bye.
Have I lost my one chance at true love? Have I carelessly tossed back a sweet little sunfish just because of a low banking system? We may never know.
Let's reel it in and call it a day, shall we?
Love,
Angie
Tony told me that he was a design engineer from Tacoma, WA, but he and his son were currently in Malaysia where he was doing interior design for a client there. We corresponded back and forth daily and he seemed very excited to get to know all about me. After a week he announced that he thought he was in love with me. Hmmm. We hadn't even talked on the phone yet.
Still, I was willing to give him benefit of the doubt. After all, poor guy, he was typing in a second language, was overseas, was all alone with his only motherless son. What a saint! AND he idolized me! He kept telling me how beautiful I looked and how he was praying for a "God-fearing woman." I did think that was a little odd, seeing as how his profile listed him as an Atheist.
One morning after sending off a bubbly good morning email to this sweet, innocent man who adored me, I received an almost immediate response. I cannot do it justice so I'm going to copy the message here, complete with typos.
Hello, Angie
first I really want you to know that im really sorry for not responding on time just have a terrible day here and im thinking of you too and i don't think i will seek for any other woman well Angie i want you to know that i like you so much and im ready to spend the rest of my life with you. Richard is here with i find a private teacher for him while i work at the site the private teacher will keep him busy i work from 9am to 5pm Malaysia time. see i want you to know that ive been thinking of you so much and i cant wait to meet you but Angie im not really happy at all i lost my wallet this morning containing on the money i met to use to get some materials today for the site right now i cant work further bcos i need the materials my wallet contain the funds for it and my credit card is there too. i tried to see if i can use my bank of America acct or my business acct they i always use when i need money i found out that i cant even access that here in Malasia they have a low banking system and i have been paid for the contract deposit the money already in my bank of America acct but i cant access anything cant even find card to get the little fund i need to get those materials Angie im really sorry to tell you this and i believe if you do care you can do something about itwell i will send you another email shortly and i will show you my other business account which have online banking and i will show you my home page that i have money but i can't access here im sorry asking you this but i will be gald if you can jst lend this little funds i need for this materials whien i get home net week i will refund back your money to you all you need to do it to tell me how you want back your money maybe cashier check or send it via western union pls dont be harsh but if you are i will understand due to the fact that we haven't know each other long but i will be very much happy that this can happen to anybody and pls remember this is not my country let me know what you can do for me till im home. Tony
He did, indeed, send me a very legitimate-looking bank statement from the Banco Gulf Online Banking system, with a disclaimer at the bottom of the page saying "we have taken every steps to ensure security." Every steps. Wow.
So, still trying very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt I Googled the name of the bank. Try it. First thing that comes up has the word "scams" in it.
I wrote back to "Tony" with the subject line reading "your check is in the mail." I then proceeded to let him know exactly what I thought of him. I called him a predator and told him that I had let the webmaster know what he was doing. What a creep!
I felt like such a sucker! I should have seen it coming but I was new and willing to overlook what should have been warning signs. I really thought he was just innocent and a bit naieve. It didn't dawn on me prior to this last email that he might have been a scam artist. I consider myself fairly intelligent but I was drawn in by his sweetness and charm, and hooked by his status as a widower with a young child to raise on his own.
Later that day I got this short, terse email:
Why you be so mean i told you not so harsh and not be mean so bye.
Have I lost my one chance at true love? Have I carelessly tossed back a sweet little sunfish just because of a low banking system? We may never know.
Let's reel it in and call it a day, shall we?
Love,
Angie
Monday, February 7, 2011
First Hit!
In the midst of reviewing the very first messages in my chosen dating site's Inbox, I heard a little dinging noise. After scanning my monitor and locating a flashing icon I discovered that the site offered instant messaging. With a mix of excitement and trepidation I clicked on the little icon and up came a window with a stimulating welcome. "Hello" he said. "Hello" I said in return. "How are you?" he said. "Fine. You?" I replied. (Oh, this is starting out swimmingly, I thought!) Once the formalities were completed, he decided to strike the line. Are you ready for it? Here it is...
"Do you have suckable toes?"
Oh baby. What I wanted to say was, "I"m fifty six years old; what do you think my toes are like?" What I actually said was something to the effect of ".....ummm, I don't think we're looking for the same thing in a relationship." However, exhibiting extreme tenacity he plunged ahead with his second query...
"What size pants do you wear?"
I closed the chat window.
Love,
Angie
"Do you have suckable toes?"
Oh baby. What I wanted to say was, "I"m fifty six years old; what do you think my toes are like?" What I actually said was something to the effect of ".....ummm, I don't think we're looking for the same thing in a relationship." However, exhibiting extreme tenacity he plunged ahead with his second query...
"What size pants do you wear?"
I closed the chat window.
Love,
Angie
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