Sweet Little Sharks

Angie's back!

Ahoy, mateys! (maties?)

I had to take some much-needed and well-deserved time off from the internet dating scene to regroup; you know, mend my nets, replace my tackle, replenish my supply of lures and bait.  But now I'm back and ready to head once again into that deep blue sea where, I am assured, there are Plenty of Fish!

I revamped my online profile.  I made it simpler and made sure I included a variety of photos.  I was very explicit about what I was looking for - a nice, honest guy for a committed relationship.  DO NOT contact me if you are seeking Intimate Encounters or Casual Relationships, I stated.

In no time at all I'd gotten several bites.  I carefully culled the obvious scammers.   Misuse or lack of use of punctuation is a dead giveaway, as is extremely poor sentence structure.  If a guy won't tell you anything specific but insists that he " is very romantic, loves giving massages, likes long walks on the beach, and is an entrepreneur"  that's pretty much a dead giveaway that he's a bottom dweller.  He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear and that's the standard "formula" to make all us little fisherwomen go, "ooooOOOOoooo!"  Oh, and he'll undoubtedly be a widower whose beloved passed in an untimely and/or tragic manner (insert pity factor here) and he will have one grown or nearly-grown child who "studies abroad."  (No pesky kid to deal with, but obviously a doting father who loves his child so much he sent him off to one of those better schools at an undisclosed location overseas.)  

After a few days and the standard chit-chat - "Hi.You're very pretty" or "I like your profile" or (my personal favorite) "You look so hot!" I'd started talking with a couple of interesting men.  One was quite a bit younger but he assured me that our age difference didn't matter.  He was looking for a serious relationship, too.  I liked him enough to give him my phone number and after texting for a couple of days he called me.  We talked easily and naturally so we arranged to meet for coffee.  Coffee is good because it doesn't carry the committment of a full meal, yet most coffee shops are quiet enough that you can hear each other speak.  If you go for drinks the music is usually so loud that you end up shouting at each other, which is not conducive to making a good first impression.  

We had a few dates and then I invited him over for dinner.  So far, so good, right?  Things started heating up and I didn't mind at all.  It all worked out quite well, actually, and we continued to get along great.

So......

A few days later he called and asked if he could come over.  I told him "Sure!"  By this time the dog didn't even bark when he came to the door.  I was almost getting comfortable.  

And therein was my folly.

He didn't show up during the designated time.  He didn't show up two hours later.  He hadn't shown up by 11pm.  I sent him a text.  "What happened to you?"  I got no response. 

Three days later, at 3:45 am I got this:  (The following graphic conversation is just too good not to share verbatim so, sensitive readers, you have been forewarned...)  Oh, and the comments in parentheses are obviously my thoughts as the incredible tale unwinds.

Him:  Are you working?

Me:  No

Him:  I'm sorry.  Last coupla days been crazy kinda personal issues but I will be in Angieville then leaving there to go to work.  Any chance I can stop by and maybe **** some frustration out inside you or you can **** some out of me?
(Aww, he missed me!!)

Me:  I won't just be your ****buddy.  It was very hurtful to me that I invited you over, you said you'd be there, then....nothing.  For days.  I didn't know if I'd done something, if you had been hurt or were sick, or what possibly could have happened.  By not contacting me, it appears to me that I just didn't matter.  I deserve better.

Him:  Don't you wanna feel this again, sexy?
(insert photo of penis here.)  (yes, really.)

Him:  I don't want it to be just ****buddies either and I'm sorry.  Trust me I wanted to be there with you just something came up and I'm sorry trust me I was thinking about it and you (in that order, I'm sure) all day long and I really want you bad.

Me:  I'm sorry too.  You could have at least sent me a one line text.

Him:  You didn't do anything and I'm sorry I worried you.  I didn't meant to do that at all.  I truly am sorry beautiful.  You're sweet and very kind and you didn't do one thing.  
Him:  Still there?

Me:  I'm here.

Him:  I really didn't mean to make you feel like that.  Honestly I really wanted to see you very badly especially just walking in and having you in bed already waiting on me.

Me:  I opened my home to you.  I gave my body to you without reservation.  I was vulnerable to you.  I did not deserve to be totally ignored.  I wonder if you even realize what this feels like?  Yes, I was waiting on you.  I trusted you enough to leave my door unlocked for you.  You repaid my trust by showing me utter disregard.

Him:  Yes I do know what it feels like.  That's why I feel really bad about it. 

Me:  Well, so do I.

Him:  And I'm sorry for that.  I didn't mean to do that.  I really wanted to come in and cover your body with kisses...

Me:  I accept your apology.  I'm just not sure there's any place to go from here.

Him:  Yes there is.  Let me come over and make it up to you.  (Oh, look!  He's gonna "prove his love" to me!)  I want you so bad.  I want to feel myself deep inside you and make you scream with pleasure.  I couldn't stop thinking about you all day that day.  I didn't plan on anything coming up to stop me from coming over.

Me:  Mr. Fish, it's not just that something came up.  It's that you didn't even bother to let me know something came up.  It's that you didn't even bother to let me know for DAYS.  You didn't text me or call me or say a single word.  Maybe you need to take care of your personal issues that obviously have the priority.  When you're ready to treat a good woman the way she deserves to be treated then maybe you should try contacting me again.

Him:  (He must really want it BAD!)  I didn't have time to contact you or pretty much anyone the whole weekend.  I was down in the hospital with my mom so you weren't the only one I didn't talk to.  It was just a very emotional weekend for everyone and it's not a priority for me but I can't help feeling very horny for you after how great of a time we had.  You're an amazing lover and when we were intimate I wasn't thinking about anything but how great it felt just beign with you, no stress, no worries, nothing...

Me:  Yes, I am an amazing lover.  I'm also a damn good person and I deserve to be treated better than you treated me.  When my mother died I was still able to contact those people that were important to me.  It would have taken you five seconds to text me "mom's in the hospital."  (Of course, I do not think for one minute his mother was in the hospital.)  You said you were thinking of me.  I'll bet you had a phone in your hands at least once during the past couple of days. 

Him:  Yeah, talking to family members and work but most of the time in the hospital.  I am sorry (Yeah, sorry he's not gonna get LAID!) I was thinking about you that whole day but the weekend it was all about my mom I didn't know what to think or do I was just f***ing scared and helpless.

Me:  I'm sorry that you had a painful weekend and I hope everything is looking up where your mom is concerned.  (Nope, still don't believe it.)

Me:  Just please try to understand my hesitancy about opening myself up to you again.

Him:  (OMG!!!!!)  I do understand but it was something that just happened.  I didn't expect anything like that to happen.  I was all eyes open about seeing you again, enjoying being around you again, and enjoying everything we did with the perfect timing and all.  It was just right.

Me:  I don't think just coming over and ****ing me is going to fix everything.  Maybe you need to think about whether I'm worth the effort.  I'm sure there are plenty of women that would be willing to **** a nice, handsome, young guy like you.  That might be best for you.

Him:  I'm so sorry about what happened.  I'm coming into Angieville now and I'll be right next to your street. I really wanna see you.  (REALLY?  "SEE" me??) 

Him:  Beautiful, please
Him:  I don't just want any woman.  I want you, beautiful.  I know it's not going to fix anything right then and there but I really wanna show you how much I do want you.

Him:  Are you still awake?

Him:  Angie??

Him:  Are you still up?
*************************************

..............................sigh............................