In the midst of my various little online flirtations, one name kept popping up in my Inbox. I didn't give it a lot of consideration because his screen name had the word "Sensual" in it and I didn't want to start out with sensuality being the focal point of our interaction. (What? Too Literal? Moi??) But he was persistent so I finally figured, "Why not talk to him? What could it hurt?" I could block him if he got too agressive.
It did concern me that he didn't post a profile picture, but I understand how, especially as we get older, we can become very insecure about our appearance. So, after about five friendly, intelligent messages I finally responded. Yeah, I admit, I responded in part because he put a little bit of a guilt trip on me - "so I guess you weren't interested? :'-(" I mean, how sad is that? I didn't want to hurt his feelings!
I emailed something innocuous but friendly and before long we were emailing and texting regularly. He emailed me a photo of himself and truthfully I didn't find him at all attractive. However, beauty is only skin deep, right? Haven't I always said that physical appearance really isn't all that important to me? Here was my chance to prove that to myself.
We talked on the phone and he was witty and charming. He did tend to look for any opportunity to "hint" at how he liked "pleasing a lady" and casually inserted into more than one email that he was "very talented orally" and I don't think he was talking about his elocution. That sort of grossed me out. I tried to dismiss it, figuring he'd just been without a woman for way too long.
Eventually I thought I was ready to meet him face to face. I told him I had just about an hour and a half, and yes, I purposely pre-arranged to have something else I had to do after that time. Planning my escape? Maybe...
I waited at Starbucks at the agreed-upon time and about ten minutes later he arrived.
He arrived. :-/
He was even more unappealing than his picture and he reminded me of somebody's Grandpa. Yes, I know, I am a Grandma, but I'm a vivacious Grandma! :-)
He was dressed very nicely and drove a nice car. He had a good job and had lived an interesting life. He was an excellent conversationalist. And I could not have been less interested.
I couldn't wait for that hour and a half to be over. I kept thinking was how "orally talented" he said he was and I nearly gagged on my Caramel Macchiato. I told him I needed to get going and made a beeline for the door. He insisted on walking me to my car. He had parked right beside me so we were sort of wedged there between our open car doors. I decided I could at least give him a hug since he drove an hour to see me, but I may have left some rubber in the parking lot as I careened away.
He texted me later that day and made reference to the fact that I "ran away" pretty fast. At first I denied it, but he was right. When he emailed that night and said he was hoping for our first kiss I knew I had to tell him that I was definitely not planning on a second date. I'm not sure how I worded it but he got the idea.
Lots of restaurants offer catfish as a featured item on their menus. Lots of people love catfish. I've tried to make myself like catfish. I've eaten it fried, baked, broiled and even grilled. But I don't like catfish and you can't do anything to make it appealing to me.
Mr. Sensuality was a catfish. I had to throw him back.
Maybe I need to use different bait...
